It really pisses me off when my leaguemates draft well. 

Most of them just follow the ADP lists developed by analysts and their drafting software. And yea, so do I. But what if we could cause players to fall down those lists and have a better chance at drafting them later?

WHAT IF we were able to alter the ADP of some of our favorite players?

It's time for some Average Draft Position vandalism! So whatdya say? Let's see what damage we can do…

Puka Nacua - Rams WR

Haven't you heard? Cooper Mother F'in Kupp is healthy again this year, baby! 

And in case you've forgotten, Kupp is the Rams WR1. At least he is on the depth chart. But Kupp is being drafted 33(!) spots behind Puka Nacua as the WR21 right now. 

Huh??

Sure, Nacua ranked four in total yards (1,486) among all NFL receivers in 2023. But haven't you heard, Cooper Mother F'in Kupp is healthy again!

And yea, Nacua ranked sixth amongst all NFL receivers in yards after catch (640) last year. But haven't you heard, Cooper Mother F'in Kupp is healthy!

Sure, in the 12 games they played together, the stats weren't that different:

  • Kupp: 63 rec, 753 yds, 5 TDs
  • Nacua: 66 recs, 1,055 yds, 4 TDs

But, like I said… Cooper Kupp's health really matters somehow.

Things You Should Know:

  • Puka Nacua does not eat vegetables. Your mother would be sooo disappointed. And your leaguemates should be, too.
  • Nacua is currently injured (unlike a healthy Cooper Mother F'in Kupp). It's "nothing serious" and he's “week to week.” But he burst his bursa sac, and that sounds pretty inappropriate for a second round pick, don't you think?

CJ Stroud - Texans QB

Your leaguemates should definitely think twice before drafting CJ Stroud this year. Here's how he performed among QBs last season:

  • TDs: Tied 13th (23)
  • YDS: 8th (4,108)
  • INT: Tied 35th (5)

LOL. Only five interceptions on the year? Shouldn't Stroud be trying to keep up with the big dawgs if he's pining for MVP in 2024? Check out the Elite 3's interception counts for 2023:

  • Josh Allen - 18
  • Jalen Hurts - 15
  • Patrick Mahomes - 14

With Nico Collins (1,297 yds, 8TDs), Tank Dell (709 yds, 7TDs) and newly acquired WR Stefon Diggs on the field this year… I just don't think Stroud is going to magically increase those interceptions. Pretty embarrassing. 

Things You Should Know:

  • The Texans were only victorious in three games in 2022. ONLY THREE! Sure, CJ Stroud wasn't on the team that year… and the Texans went on to lead the AFC South (10-7) with Stroud in 2023. But still. 
  • Stroud had fewer rushing TDs (3) than Bijan Robinson (4) in 2023! And he only logged a single reception. WTF is up with that??

Jordan Love - Packers QB

I'm not afraid to address the elephant in the room: Jordan Love has got some pretty big shoes to fill. 

Before Love finally got his start in the league, Aaron Rodgers was winning Super Bowls, named NFL MVP 4x, owned the Bears… well, you get it. And now, Love has to live up to those expectations without the likes of Jordy Nelson, Randall Cobb or Davante Adams. 

Sheesh. 

Are we sure he can do it? Just last year, Love was only ranked seventh in passing yards (4,159) and second in TDs (32). That's fine I guess. 

I mean sure, it's more TDs than Patrick Mahomes (27), CJ Stroud (23), Josh Allen (29) or Jared Goff (30) threw last year. BUT it's no “2020 Rodgers,” who scored 48 TDs in a single season. 

So is Jordan Love even trying to follow in the footsteps of his predecessor?

Things You Should Know:

  • Love has never considered leaving the NFL to host “Jeopardy.”

I'll take "QBs that you should avoid" for 2024, Alex.

Christian McCaffrey - 49ers RB

I will admit, Christian McCaffrey is pretty good at ball. 

He's the undisputed "RB1 in fantasy land" and the numbers clearly support that title. Just last year he ranked third overall in total fantasy points (half-PPR / 357.8 points). But can he pull off a top 10 finish AGAIN after finishing seventh overall in 2022?

Eventually, at some point CMC won't be able to just keep “doing it again,” right?

Right?

Things You Should Know:

Don't draft the undisputed RB1 in fantasy land. Even though he MIGHT be able to do it again… What if he doesn't? Huh? What then!

Bijan Robinson - Falcons RB

Robinson is projected to have a McCaffrey-esq workload this season. But there were 14 other players who rushed for more yards than Robinson in 2023. So, not only was Bijan not first… He wasn't even 14th. 

Pay no mind to the losers who would argue that Bijan ranked top 15. We don't settle for anything but the best here.

Most disparagingly, Robinson only logged four rushing TDs on the year. Oof. Huge oof. Probably the biggest oof, if you ask around. But don't ask around too much, because people will just start blaming Arthur Smith.

And Arthur Smith says that Arthur Smith did a great job coaching the Falcons in 2023.

Things You Should Know:

  • "Bijan Robinson" looks phonetically similar to "Brian Robinson." And your leaguemates might get them confused. Imagine the low-ball trade offers you'd be receiving! PASS!

CeeDee Lamb - Cowboys WR

Among WRs in 2023, CeeDee Lamb ranked:

  • Yards After Catch: 1st (680)
  • Rec: 1st (135)
  • Yds: 2nd (1,749)
  • TDs: 3rd (12)
  • Yds per game: 3rd (102.9)

That sure looks great, doesn't it? 

But Lamb only brought in 113 yards and two TDs on the ground in 2023. Which is only one more TD than Jamaal Williams scored last year. So…

Things You Should Know:

  • F*ck. I got nothing…