In today's Fantasy Life Newsletter, presented by Underdog:
From now until September, us NFL fans are stuck living in our “Schrodinger’s Box era”.
Until any real games are officially played, our NFL hopes are just like that damn cat—probably dead, but equally alive and well!
Because anything can happen in Free Agency and beyond.
What I’m trying to say is: There’s hope!
For now …
While Ian Hartitz has already broken down what each NFL team logically needs to do in 2025, I’m more of a “think outside of the Schrodinger’s box” kind of girl. My mind is not bound by the silly little irrelevancies of a franchise’s ‘cap space’ or ‘depth chart weaknesses’. I see the bigger picture, where anything can happen.
So here’s what these NFL teams really need in 2025:
PIT Steelers: Need A Comeback
Despite the fact that the Steelers haven’t won a Super Bowl in over 15 years, DK Metcalf is officially on his way to Pittsburgh after declaring that he wanted to play for a winning team—days ago.
Now, DK will get to play for a team that went 10-7 in 2024 instead of his previous team that went 10-7 in 2024.
Congrats, Steelers fans.
SEA Seahawks: Need to Win Week 1
Regardless of whatever theatrics Seattle is able to accomplish to fill the holes left in its roster this offseason by Geno Smith, Tyler Lockett, and DK Metcalf … Their fans need a win.
Like, immediately.
Looking at their 2025 opponents. Let’s hope they face off against the Titans in Week 1.
LA Rams: Need To F*cking Hide
The Rams better keep their head on a swivel now that they've signed Davante Adams to a 2-year, 46-million-dollar deal (more below). For two very different, but equally important reasons:
Aaron Rodgers is gonna be piiiiiiiiissed. We all know Rodgers wanted his 2x former WR to join him in New York Seattle Tennessee his next city. Bold move signing Adams after you’ve already locked in Matthew Stafford at QB …
If Adams can manage to pull off another 1,000+-yard, 8-TD season in 2025, Sean McVay better hope it doesn't cut into Puka Nacua's beautiful targets. OR ELSE … I’m going to whine about it for f*cking months.
PHI Eagles: Need an Exit Plan
Sure, the Eagles are fresh off of a Super Bowl win, and they just secured a major payday for the best RB in the league. It sounds great on paper, but you can’t fool me.
I've seen The Dark Knight.
If the Eagles keep up this high-caliber level of gameplay and make their way into a few more Super Bowl appearances, they’ll live long enough to fall victim to yet another hero-turned-villain story arc. They need to squeeze a losing season in there somewhere. Otherwise, there's a 100% chance we're collectively rooting against the Eagles in 2029.
WAS Commanders: Need A Literary Agent
Remember when Matthew Berry was panicking day and night about WAS during the 2023 offseason? It feels like decades ago, doesn’t it? But that’s only because of the incredible turnaround season that the Commanders just put up with rookie Jayden Daniels (3,568 yards and 25 TDs!) at the wheel.
We’ve all but forgotten that Washington won only four games in 2023.
What Washington needs now is a best-selling self-help book. I’m thinking: "How To Turn Everything Around In Less Than 365 Days" for all those NFL teams who seem to be stuck in re-build limbo. Step 1: Re-Brand. Step 2: New Owner …
And once it hits the shelves, we need to make sure Saints GM Mickey Loomis reads it.
NY Giants: Need a Statewide Holiday
Sure, they also need a competent QB. But the fact that Malik Nabers was able to pull off a Top-10 WR season with the Un-fantastic Four (Daniel Jones, Tommy DeVito, Tim Boyle, Drew Lock) is f*cking magical.
Name another WR who could manage 1,204 yards and 7 TDs with a worse QB room. Hint: You can’t. Even CeeDee Lamb (1,194), Ladd McConkey (1,149), A.J. Brown (1,079), and Puka Nacua (990) couldn’t pull it off.
Like I was saying … Malik Nabers Day. I’m ready to mark off my calendar when you are, New York.
DET Lions: Need a Co-Parenting Approach at Defense
Sure, the Lions know how to score. A lot. But considering DET allowed the most receiving yards to WRs in 2024 (and their onslaught of defensive injuries), it might be time for the Lions to consider some alternative options for improving their defense in 2025.
My proposal? Dan Campbell needs to convince the Eagles to split time with their defense. You know, one of those “I get your defense every other weekend and on Thursdays” situations like my parents did after they split.
I'm just not sure what the Eagles would want in return … but I'm not the head coach here! I can't solve everything for you, Dan! Step up! This defense needs your attention!
ATL Falcons: Need The Bucs to F*ck This Up
To put it simply, the NFC South is a dumpster fire. The Saints and Panthers had a total of 10 wins combined in 2024, leaving just the Bucs in Atlanta’s way. And with Chris Godwin hitting free agency this offseason, ATL really needs Tampa to screw this one up.
Because the 2025 WR class isn’t as sexy as last year’s, there’s a long list of NFL teams who could use Godwin as an upgrade to their WR corps. It’s not impossible to imagine a world where Tampa lets Godwin go—allowing the Falcons a shot at climbing up the NFC South ranks.
But who knows? ATL’s blown its chances before.
And after last year’s draft, maybe the Falcons just want to lean into beefing up their QB room … again.
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Free Agency Tracker
Just like Tommy DeVito’s agent, our Fantasy Life analysts never sleep. They’ve got freshly brewed coffee, standing desks, and a butt-load of Uncrustables to keep them awake while tracking every single Free Agency move this offseason.
So, feel free to log off and enjoy your life. Go grab that beer with your friends. Spend a few extra minutes with your family this evening. Because Matthew Freedman, Geoff Ulrich, Chris Allen, and Jonathan Fuller legally and contractually cannot. They’ll be right here … tracking away day and night …
LIVE UPDATES WITH THE FANTASY LIFE FREE AGENCY TRACKER
The Next Nick Chubb?
Of course you always want that 1.01 in your dynasty drafts, but reading through Dwain's Super Model, I started to like Omarion Hampton more and more. This little part I stole for the newsletter is probably why. Hampton's closest comps in the model:
The three-year Tar Heel has the 22nd-highest non-draft-capital rating (84) since 2017, giving his range of outcomes a buffer zone against lower-than-expected draft capital. Those are some COMPS. Maybe you can find someone to trade you 1.02 if they feel it’s devalued with Ashton Jeanty out of the picture. And if you're speculating on rookies in general, move up Hampton!
Here’s some NFL news to sift through while you’re resting on the couch. You’ve earned it:
👀 ICYMI: Ian Hartitz previews how his WR rankings change with the DK Metcalf trade and the Davante Adams/Rams signing.
⭐️ Best draft class in NFL history? It just might be!
👀 Is Alvin Kamara unhappy? Saints fans think this was his reaction to Derek Carr’s restructured contract.
🏆 Highest-paid DE in NFL history? That’s one way to make him stay!
🔒 Two TEs are officially staying put. The Bengals and Commanders lock them down.
✍️ The deal is done. Aaron Jones is re-signing with the Vikings.
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