F*CK P*SS SH*T B*LLS IT'S ALMOST PLAYOFF ELIMINATION TIME!
Sorry. I had to get that out of my system before we moved on.
Like, not to be dramatic or anything, but Week 14 is quite literally the most important thing you're going to go through this year. Yes, more important than your family. Your family can't clench your fantasy playoff spot. But Week 14 can.
So, let's take a look at some things we should be buying into for these final weeks of fantasy football.
BUY A PRAYER
You need to fully believe that you can win this week. Like, Jameis Winston levels of belief. Believe in your lineup. Believe in yourself. And believe that anything can happen.
To help, here are a few new mantras for you to get through the week:
1. Projections Are Pointless
This week, all bets are off. I don't care if your opponent is projected to score 50 points more than you. I don't care if you're on a five-week losing streak. And I surely don't care if your RB2 is only projected to score 2.07 points because you forgot to make a trade before the deadline.
You have to free yourself of the chokehold these projections have on you. Anything can AND OFTEN DOES happen… which brings me to my next point.
2. Miracles Can Happen
We've all seen someone go into MNF with only a 23% chance of winning, only for an obscure TE or some backup QB to go absolutely unhinged and drop enough points to flip the script.
Miracles can happen. I mean, Josh MF'in Allen threw a TD pass to HIMSELF in Week 13. Players fumble with seconds left in the game. Players score in overtime. Kickers miss kicks again and again and again.
Miracles can happen. But only if you believe.
3. We've Been Wrong Before
Haven't you ever won a matchup after thinking you would lose? Why can't that happen again?
4. Underdogs Always Sometimes Win
I'm not certain about much of anything these days, but I'm absolutely positive that the underdog always sometimes wins.
And the best part about being a loser and climbing your way into fighting for a spot in the playoffs is that your league is secretly rooting for you, too. I know it's hard to believe when they've been talking trash all day long and refusing to make trades with you each week. But we all love to root for a good underdog.
And more than that, we all love to root against the guy at the top. I hope this time is your "always sometime" win. We're rooting for you!
SELL YOUR SOUL
Chill.
I'm not being serious.
But… If you could…
HOLD ON TO THE MEMORIES
Look, despite everything I’ve just said, the odds are technically against you.
Only one person can win the championship and if ANYTHING can happen, that also means that losing can happen. (I'm sorry.)
Even if you miss out on the trophy or completely miss out on the playoffs altogether, you still have some wonderful memories to hold on to. Be sure to take a stroll down memory lane and:
1. Check Your Old Draft Board
2. Scroll Through Old Trade Offers
3. Remember The Triggers
One of the best parts about fantasy football is triggering your leaguemates. What's that? You'd love an example? Sure.
Story Time:
We have this one guy in my home league who was having an amazing run in the first few weeks of the season. Because he was winning and often woke up on Sundays with a huge predicted win margin, he finally got confident enough to start trash talking.
But suddenly, he caught a run of bad luck. Week after week, right after he tossed an insult in the group chat, something insane would happen during the games and his team would take a turn for the worse. And each time, despite how confidently his week started, he would lose.
It was funny, at first. After each and every upset, chaos ensued in the group chat. He became enraged at kickers for missing kicks. He lost his mind over late-night stat corrections. He couldn't process anything that didn't go his way. To the point that now… He is fully convinced that he is cursed.
I wish I were kidding. (I'm not kidding.) He's so sure that he's cursed, that he now goes RADIO SILENT in the group chat until Tuesday mornings once scores become official.
So naturally, the league brings up "The Curse" every week. We egg him on. We try to bait him into insulting his opponents. It's been one of my favorite bits this year and something I will always hold onto. So find the triggers and use it to your advantage.
Oh! Even though he might be too scared to talk trash, I'm not. Eat shit, Justin.
