No one wants a stagnant roster. It's time to make some moves.

Let’s get into some buyin’, sellin’ and holdin’. 

BUY

We're only two weeks deep, but rest assured, there are still moves to be made. Let's see if we can capitalize on the green flags your leaguemates wish they'd seen. Let’s buy: 

TE Brock Bowers, Las Vegas Raiders

I love tight ends! Who the hell doesn't? (Hey, Atlanta.)

But for fantasy managers, navigating the TE position is a headache like no other. Just ask around. Everyone is panicking. 

Travis Kelce has a total of 4-39-0 through two weeks. Dalton Kincaid is eerily similar with a 5-44-0 stat line. But there is one TE that is going to save the day… 

Brock MF'kin Bowers is here. And the numbers are looking pretty, pretty, pretty good. 

  • Week 1: 6-58-0
  • Week 2: 9-98-0

Bowers is seeing 25% of the targets in Las Vegas! And he's very familiar with this type of success on the field. It might be time to admit that Bowers was the answer to the Elite TE strategy question all along. 

Remember Sam LaPorta 2023? I'm getting those same tingles for Bowers in 2024. I'm buying!

SELL

All RBs, Kansas City Chiefs

Yes, all of them. 

I know everyone is currently arguing about which guy will be THE guy in KC, with most settling on Samaje Perine in Isiah Pacheco's absence. But rather than hoping that you've got the “right” someone in what looks to be a RBBC, I'd rather capitalize on the hype and try to sell for someone more reliable. 

Our very own Dwain McFarland already had Carson Steele and Perine projected in the RB3/RB4 territory for Week 3, and that was BEFORE Kareem Hunt entered the picture. 

Your leaguemates are all certain they know which RB will be KC's “new Pacheco.” But if these RBs are splitting their share of the backfield like the numbers would suggest… I'd much rather let someone else deal with that mess. Capitalize on your leaguemates' “certainty.”

Sell to the guy who's really, really high on your KC RB. 

WR Tyreek Hill, Miami Dolphins

Calm your t*ts. I didn't say "fire sale". This is still Tyreek Hill we're talking about.

But hear me out for a second, because Tua Tagovailoa's absence directly affects Tyreek Hill's fantasy production. 

Now, this doesn't mean Hill is washed by any means. But the upside and consistency that was guaranteed with Tua on the field is now in question.

You might consider selling now before everyone sees a full game of Tyreek SANS TUA (I think that’s what that girl said).

HOLD

WR Diontae Johnson, Carolina Panthers

The sound you heard on Monday, September 16th at 1:53 EST was everyone running to open their fantasy apps to see if they'd already dropped Diontae Johnson. 

You see, after Bryce Young's performance in Week 2, the panic buttons were being pressed (read: SMASHED). No one wanted anything to do with the Panthers. But everything changed on Monday when Andy Dalton was announced as the new starting QB in Carolina. And for now, at least, there is a little glimmer of hope on the horizon. 

Oh sure, this could just be yet another cog in the catastrophic QB carousel. But for now, at least, there is hope. And if there's hope in Dalton, there just may be hope left for Diontae... 

Here's to hoping, and to holding. 

TE Travis Kelce, Kansas City Chiefs

F*ck it. I'll say it. Where's the 13 TDs I was promised?!

Kidding…

Am I panicking about Travis Kelce? NO – I mean, well, yea. A little. Maybe. Father Time and the swirling online narratives are not on Kelce's side right now. 

But unfortunately, selling low is just not my style.

Think about it: If you were to sell now, you'd be seeing a return of mere pennies on the dollar. And if you sell now, you'll still have to find a TE to fill your roster spot. You're going to have a tough time finding any TE on waivers with the potential for putting up 50 yds and 1 TD any given week…

Things haven't gone Kelce's way thus far. I'll admit that. But in Week 2, he had a 41-yard  catch reversed and he got "The Eagles RB Special: Down at the 1-yard line and no TD". Sheesh. 

QB Derek Carr, New Orleans Saints 

No one, and I mean NO ONE, saw this coming. 

Not a single analyst could've predicted the absolute swag storm brewing in New Orleans. Derek Carr was grabbing his Carrk on live television. Klint Kubiak was filmed quoting the future Superdome half-time performer, Kendrick Lamar, as some kind of SuperBowl manifestation chant. The swag levels are UP.

Will the Saints be able to sustain the 40-plus offensive points each week? No. There will be regression. But when Carr's slinging the ball like he has been, he's earned a spot in your lineup, don't you think? 

I mean, just last week Josh Allen squeezed out less than 10 points. Surely Carr's worth your time, considering he hasn't even been forced to throw the ball yet and he's dropping 20-plus fantasy points each week, right? RIGHT?

Look, fantasy managers have been hurt enough this season. Maybe the fantasy gods will let us have something nice for once. 

Like Carr's hand during a TD celebration, I'm holding tight. 

WR Honorable Mentions

WR Malik Nabers, New York Giants - HOLD or BUY happily 

WR Rashid Shaheed, New Orleans Saints - HOLD joyously

WR Nico Collins, Houston Texans - BUY if you can

WR Tank Dell, Houston Texans - BUY LOW on Nico Lite