Fantasy Football Punishments: Keys To The Perfect Punishment
Now that playoff hopes are dead and dying for half the league, you need to find ways to keep everyone engaged through the end of championship week.
It’s not easy, but it can be done. The trick? Punishments.
While we highly recommend end-of-season loser punishments to keep the low-level, smooth-brained managers fighting for something in the losers' bracket, we also love a good weekly side bet.
Whichever path you choose, you can’t go wrong. The key is to choose a punishment that fills the loser with regret, but not one so bad that they drop out of the league.
Here are some of our favorites to get you going:
Something Personal
You know your league better than anyone else. If you want a real punishment that can fit the crime, attack your opponents where it hurts most.
Do they have a sensitive ego? Make them announce their incompetence to the world! A simple “I suck at fantasy football” can go a long way in these contexts:
- Street Sign at a busy intersection of your choice.
- License Plate so their failure follows them wherever they go.
- Mouse Pad. Everyone at work should know how poorly they managed their fantasy teams, too.
Do they get embarrassed easily? It’s time to choose an extremely extroverted punishment!
- 5-minute Stand-up Routine at a local open mic night.
- Karaoke Night. The league chooses the song.
- Personal Sonnet. Loser writes and recites a poem about the winner.
Something Painful
No pain, no gain. Even the strongest can crumble when put to the test.
- Hot Wings. For extra fun, steal the Hot Ones blueprint and have the loser answer questions after each increasingly hotter wing.
- 5k Not So Fun Run. The loser has to lace up and run 3.1 miles. For an added layer of camaraderie, have their run end at a local bar and get the league to meet them at the finish line.
- Ex Marks The Spot. Pain can be mental, too. Sorry, loser. You have to call your ex.
Something Creative
- Chicken Soup For the Soul. Hat tip to @SmashHitsSports for this absolutely insane punishment fulfillment. A chicken noodle chug. GOOD SOUP.
- Wait a Minute. Hat tip to @chacecooper77 for the torture of standing in lines at Disney World, but not being allowed to ride. (Though any extremely long line will do.)
- Copy Cat. The league chooses a music video or viral clip for the loser to recreate/record. The possibilities are endless.
Something Sweet
Something For Self-Improvement
Instead of piling on, let’s help this absolute trainwreck of a person build themselves up.
- Public Spelling Bee. Either register them for an actual spelling bee (if there’s one happening in your area) or get the league together in a public forum and force them to spell words that you all come up with. Maybe this will motivate them to be less of a F-A-I-L-U-R-E next year.
- Hot Dog Stand. Teach ‘em how to build a thriving small business. Grab a grill, some tongs, and a hot dog costume. Yeah, that’s right. They’re selling hot dogs as a hot dog. That’s just Marketing 101. Maybe they’ll earn enough to pay for next year’s entry fee. (Sike! Any money they make goes toward next year’s prize pool.)
- Test Taker. Let’s face it, this dummy could use some study time. Get ‘em up bright and early to take the SATs. Because there’s nothing like a casual 4-hour exam on a Saturday morning to really break someone’s spirit. Bonus: If they score below average (1050), they have to do a second punishment.
