Yes, you read that correctly: How to sabotage YOUR OWN fantasy football team. Not because anyone wants to, but because you are the only one who can.

This year's different. We're not blaming:

  • Leaguemates for sniping our picks
  • Injuries for plaguing our lineup decisions
  • League scoring for screwing up our plans

And we're definitely not going to blame Kyle Pitts again. 

It's all on you, baby. So take notes. Here's your ultimate guide to sabotaging your fantasy football team.

🌡️ Sabotage Level: Moderate

These won't “ruin” your season, but they’ll leave your league wondering if you even want to be here. 

You don’t have to be the best fantasy manager in the world, but you could at least do the bare minimum and avoid the most common drafting pitfalls. 

So just… don't do these. OK? 

  • Ignoring the group chat
  • Showing up late to the draft
  • Timing out/running out of clock
  • Borrowing cheat sheets

🌡️ Sabotage Level: Catastrophic

Championship!? Nah… The "ship" is sinking. 

🗑️ Ignoring League Settings

There’s a reason why 2024 draft rankings have an option to sort players by system scoring. Not only do typical variations like STD/Half-PPR/Full-PPR alter your results, but so do more specialized and specific score settings like: TE premium, first-down bonuses, etc.

Even your lineup construction matters. The difference between 1 and 2 QB leagues is the difference between someone like Anthony Richardson being drafted ROUNDS ahead of traditional leagues where QBs never leave the board in Rd 1. 

Simply put: Everything matters. 

Drafting without your league's specific settings in mind is like drafting with your hands tied behind your back. Use your brain and get your hands back in the game.

🗑️ Rigid Draft Strategies

We’ve all been there. You have a plan and it’s a GREAT F*CKING PLAN! But suddenly your leaguemates start drafting unpredictably and reaching for your guys and everything you’ve planned for goes straight out the window. 

You have to be able to be able to abandon your prior strategy when you’re in the face of chaos. If you’re too rigid, you’ll break. 

Zero RB is all fun and games until your home league lets Christian McCaffrey fall to 1.03 and you’re face to face with a decision you didn’t plan for. That's when you have to Ross Geller your way out of a bind and PIVOT!

🗑️ High Grade Rookie Fever

“Did you see JJ McCarthy’s debut?!”

“Woah Spencer Rattler looked so much better than Derek Carr in that first preseason game.”

Yes. Rookies are fun. They haven’t broken our hearts yet and anything is possible! It’s fine to get a little rookie fever every now and then BUT TEMPER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. 

The veteran players matter, too. It often takes weeks (Months? YEARS?) for talent-filled rookies to make waves in the fantasy football world. So don't forget to balance your team out with tried and true vets. 

Nobody puts baby Patrick Mahomes in a corner.   

🗑️ FAAB Spending: Too much & Too little

Fact: Spending too much FAAB too soon can be good. 

Fact: Spending too much FAAB too soon can be bad. 
Fact: Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Sometimes you drop 50% of your FAAB in Week 2 on 2023 Puka Nacua and life is good. Other times, you spend your FAAB on 2020 D’Ernest Johnson and it #feelsbadman. 

But if you hoard your FAAB until Week 14, you’ll never know. So make smart choices.

🗑️ TNF Flex Plays

Look. Don’t make this harder on yourself. If you start a Thursday player in your flex spot, you’re eliminating the possibility of moving around other healthy players into your lineup in the event one of your starters can’t… well… start. 

Repeat after me: We don’t start Thursday night players in our flex. Ever. 

🌡️ Sabotage Level: Fatal

You’re really killing it… Your chances at ever winning, that is. 

☠️ Ignoring Waivers

Look, I understand that there are things in life that are more important than fantasy football (lol jk). But waiver acquisitions are absolutely critical pieces to the puzzle. Not only do you need to remain active in waivers to remain competitive, but it's one of the main pathways that lead champions to a trophy. 

If you aren’t going to try to acquire Free Agents to address your team's needs throughout the season, you may as well give your team to a toddler. 

At least a kid would try to play around and press some f*cking buttons in the app. 

☠️ Refusing to Trade

Paranoid much? Not every trade proposal is some Trojan Horse in disguise sent to ruin your day.

I understand that some people suck at crafting trades (boy, do they really suck sometimes). But with injuries and draft picks busting each week, you are going to need to be open to the idea of trading.

Trading should be, AND CAN BE, a win-win situation. Trust me, both teams can benefit. 

Don’t ruin your chances at a championship because you’re afraid to trade.

☠️ Incomplete Lineups / Inactive Manager

It's four months. Four. You can do anything for four months. 

Maybe you joined a league and decided you’re not really the competitive type. Or maybe you don’t really like football after all. I DON'T GET IT, BUT OK. That’s fine. I'll respect it.

But you still have to follow through with your commitment. 

Not only does an inactive manager sabotage their own team, but it ruins the entire league’s credibility. 

Ever heard of the butterfly effect? If you don’t set your lineups, you’re handing over an easy win to everyone that gets to match up against you. And the next thing you know, the guy who auto drafted wins. It's bullsh*t and you know it

It's four months. Four. You can do anything for four months.

☠️ Being Miserable

Logistics and competition aside, this is the ultimate betrayal. To your league and to yourself. 

You didn’t join your first fantasy football league to yell about statistics and scream “If only...” into the void. 

You joined your fantasy football leagues because it’s fun to root for real NFL players scoring fake points while you talk shit with your friends. 

Don’t lose sight of why you’re doing this in the first place. Winning is great. It's actually really, really f*cking great. But it’s not everything.Â