Congratulations! If you’re reading this, it means you didn’t get chopped in Week 1. If you did get chopped, don’t despair! New Guillotine Leagues are forming every day on guillotineleagues.com—go sign up and then come back and read this.

As I mentioned in last week’s Mailbag, and as Charch and the rest of the Fantasy Life staff have covered several times, the strategy in a Guillotine League is different than your standard league. Since the goal is to not to finish last each week, we want to identify players who provide safe floors and avoid the boom-bust players. I’ll be here each week to help you identify these safer players, and also point out a few players who could get you chopped.

First, let’s talk high level. It’s Week 2, so your standard Guillotine League still has 17 teams alive. Benches are thin, and waivers even thinner. Most everyone is going to be starting their first six or seven draft picks simply by default; you don’t need me to tell you that Cooper Kupp offers a safe floor based on last week’s 21 targets. For these first few weeks, I’ll be aiming for guys drafted in Rounds 10-14 or not at all. As the season progresses, more teams get chopped, and our player pool gets deeper, you’ll start seeing more household names.

Simple enough. Let’s get to it!

Quarterbacks

Daniel Jones, at Washington Commanders

“But Jake, the only thing uglier than the Giants’ Week 1 uniforms was Daniel Jones’ performance!” Right on, go try that at open mic night. While you’re cleaning tomato off your clothes, I’ll be reaping the fruits of Literally Any Quarterback against the Commanders. Washington allowed the most yards and touchdowns to opposing passers in 2023 and opened the 2024 season by getting carved up by Baker Mayfield. Jones has thrown for at least 1 score in 6 of 7 career starts against Washington. If someone started Jones in your league last week, he might be sitting on waivers.

Baker Mayfield, at Detroit Lions

The game before Baker Mayfield cooked the Commanders for 289 yards and four touchdowns, he lit up the Lions for 349 yards and 3 touchdowns in a Divisional Round shootout in Detroit. I’d expect more of the same with both teams returning much of the same personnel and coaching staff. The Lions brought in Carlton Davis (revenge game?) and Terrion Arnold, so they could play more man coverage, as the Rams made Davis Week 1’s most-targeted corner against man to the tune of 6 catches for 97 yards allowed.

Running Backs

Justice Hill, vs. Las Vegas Raiders

If you managed to snag Justice Hill around the 10th round, he’s an automatic start in your Guillotine League through the remainder of the early part of the season. Hill led all backs in targets in Week 1 while outsnapping Derrick Henry. Game script likely won’t be as conducive to as many obvious passing downs, but we take what we can get in Week 2. Four catches for 40 yards is enough to keep you alive.

Jerome Ford, at Jacksonville Jaguars

I wouldn’t blame you for a second if you tuned out the fourth quarter of Cowboys-Browns. Assuming you missed it, it consisted entirely of Deshaun Watson running for his life and/or dumping down to Ford. Putrid for real football, great for Guillotine League PPR floors. Ford ended up seeing the second-most targets of any running back in Week 1, and now gets a Jaguars defense that allowed De’Von Achane to rack up 7 catches for 76 yards on 7 targets last week. I don’t see Watson improving at all, so the dump-offs should continue.

Wide Receivers

Wan’Dale Robinson, at Washington Commanders

I’m just as surprised as you to learn that Wan’Dale Robinson is tied for the second-most targets through Week 1. Daniel Jones posted the second-lowest aDoT of Week 1, so Robinson should continue to rack up cheap PPR points against a shoddy Commanders secondary. Rookie Mike Sainristil manned the slot for Washington in Week 1 and ceded 6 receptions for 55 yards on 7 targets.

Greg Dortch, vs. Los Angeles Rams

We love our little slot receivers over here at Guillotine Leagues, don’t we folks? Greg Dortch has played 65% or more of Arizona’s snaps each game since Week 11 last season. Over that span, he’s seen and average of 6 targets and caught 4 passes per game, including a 9-target outing and a score against the Rams in Week 12. Tack on a handful of yardage to those averages, and Dortch is the prototypical early-season safe floor Guillotine player. Welcome to the Dortcher Chamber.

Tight Ends

Colby Parkinson, at Cardinals

The deep tight end landscape we thought we’d enjoy this season was an absolute hellscape in Week 1. Tight end can make or break your lineup each week, and finding a consistent one early on can carry you through the midway point and beyond. I liked what I saw from Colby Parkinson last Sunday, and the Puka Nacua injury vacates 9 targets per game. I wouldn’t put it past Matthew Stafford and Sean McVay to feed all 9 to Cooper Kupp, but they’ll need to share the love if they want to preserve their aging star. Even a 2-to-3 target improvement from Parkinson’s 5 in Week 1 would be a huge boon to his weekly floor.

Trap Doors, Creaky Boards, and Unsafe Floors

Quarterbacks

I’m keeping the rookies and youngsters—Caleb Williams, Bo Nix, and Will Levis – on the bench until proven otherwise. The only exception I’ll make is for Jayden Daniels, whose proclivity for and ability to execute a good scramble 15 times per game gives him a safe floor. Both Derek Carr and Sam Darnold put together solid outings last week, but stay away in Week 2, as both statuesque passers face blitz-happy defensive coordinators in Mike Zimmer and Brian Flores, respectively. Speaking of statuesque, Kirk Cousins is unplayable until he proves he can move within the pocket, let alone outside of it. Don’t start Deshaun Watson—no I will not elaborate.

Running Backs

I’m staying far away from the Raiders’ backfield. Antonio Pierce told reporters he’d be going with a “hot hand” approach, which should give you cold feet about starting either Zamir White or Alexander Mattison, especially in a tough matchup against the Ravens.

Wide Receiver

Have I mentioned I don’t like rookies? Sure, some of them scored to turn in a decent line last week, but none of them saw enough utilization to feel good about their prospects without a score. Marvin Harrison Jr. was the second-most chopped player last week. Go grab Wan’Dale Robinson for a buck and sit tight.

Tight Ends

Based on last week, every single tight end is capable of delivering you a big stinky zero burger to your front doorstep. Good luck out there and stay safe.