To anyone who considers themselves a fan of fantasy football, the life cycle of events is all too familiar:
- Offseason Anticipation
- Draft Day
- Weekly Waves of Euphoria
- Fantasy Playoff Season
- Repeat
Luckily for us, we're sitting firmly in the midst of our offseason era, which means we've got plenty of fantasy goodness on the horizon. But there's no need to wait. Just because we're not actively watching NFL games right now, it doesn't mean that we should be sedentary.
Do you find yourself asking the age-old question of, "What now?" Look no further.
Time to Warm Up
Look, you wouldn't run a marathon without warming up before the big race, would you? The offseason is a time when we, the fantasy players, should be training. (Don't worry, this is just a metaphor. We don't actually have to run.)
If you enter your draft without the proper preparation, you might pull something. And at this age, I'm not risking it. So here's the regimen:
- Coffee Brewing? Mock draft.
- Waiting for a meeting? Mock draft.
- Out with friends? Mock draft.
- Home alone? Go out with friends and mock draft.
Sure, none of it's real. but that's never stopped you before. You play fantasy football.
Brush Up on League Lore
If there's one thing you NEED to know before you draft (besides your league settings and the NFL player pool, of course) it's the ins and outs of your league mates. Not only their likes and dislikes, but their history in the league.
If you've been playing together long enough, you've hopefully kept tabs on all of the wonderful mistakes that have occurred in your league over the years:
- Draft Busts
- Terrible Trades
- Waiver Wire Blunders
- General Animosity Toward Others
League lore is important. It helps to know which of your friends will overvalue the QB position. It's beneficial to know which guy is going to reach for players from his home team. And damn if it isn't fun to predict who will draft the first defense off the board.
But more than anything, brushing up on your league's history will elevate your trash talking abilities. If there's one thing you NEED to do this season (besides winning, of course) it's trash talking your leaguemates under the table.
Like folklore, league lore deserves to be passed down year after year. So brush up now. It's the only tradition guaranteed to increase camaraderie while simultaneously decreasing your opponents' morale.
Check Your Weaknesses At the Door
Ugh. I hate this part!
It's sooo much easier to blame my fantasy losses on a rule change, or a bad trade, or running out of FAAB. But sometimes, our failures are self-inflicted and the only way forward is by looking back.
If you can identify your weaknesses, you'll have a much better chance at fixing them - and fixing your fantasy teams. Plus, a little self-reflection never hurt league morale. So, check yourself before you wreck yourself.
- Pride Check: Do you tend to avoid making trades that can help you, purely to spite the person on the other end?
- Envy Check: Are you often too hung up on the players that got away from you during the draft? Too jealous to see a solution?
- Gluttony Check: Do you often spend too much time trying to nickel and dime your way into a winning trade that you sour the entire experience?
- Sloth Check: Do you regularly forget to set your lineups, giving your opponents an easy win and dampening the thrill of their victories?
It's not easy to admit when you're weak. But if you truly want a chance at winning this thing, or at the very least, want to enjoy playing, you've got to get your weaknesses in check.
Find Old Draft Patterns
Do you ever find yourself rosterbating to an ex… team? You should try it. Seriously. Take a look back at your draft results from previous years. Take note of your major hits and misses.
Really look for patterns here.
- Do you frequently draft "late-round fliers" a little sooner than you should?
- Do you put way too much stock in pre-season performances?
- Do you tend to draft a defense/kicker before any of your friends?
- Are you drafting way too many players from your home team?
- Is your lineup front loaded with rookies and lacking the safety of a solid vet?
Old habits die hard, but we can't break 'em if we can't see 'em. So be sure to take some time this offseason to look at the picks of your past. Look back and learn something.
Learn the Etiquette
Quite frankly, I saved the best for last.
Before I can let you enter into another fantasy football season, I have to get a few things off of my chest. Four things, to be exact.
- Stop prying for intel in everyday conversations. We all know when you're trying to gauge our interests on a player. And you're making us uncomfortable.
- Respect the draft schedule. We've all carved time out for this event and we have been looking forward to it for months. The least you can do is have the right app downloaded and show up on time.
- Hold up the clock. The clock is there to be used — so, I won't nag about you taking your allotted time (You had the 1.01. How were you not ready?). But you can't keep going past the timer. And you can't keep asking the commissioner to "pause" the whole damn thing. Father time never stops. Neither should the clock.
- Pay your f*cking dues.
