Week 9 has come and gone. Fourteen NFL games brought joy, laughs and tears to football fans and, of course, fantasy football faithful.

Today, we’ll focus on the latter sadness and break down just how close some came to achieving fantasy football glory.

What follows is a breakdown on all the “Sheesh” moments from Week 9. I’ve watched every game and combed play-by-play data to help determine instances when:

  • Pass-catchers could have scored or picked up big yardage with a more accurate pass 
  • Pass-catchers did receive an accurate pass that should have resulted in a score or big gain, but the ball was dropped
  • Ball carriers or pass-catchers managed to get all the way to the one-yard line, but didn’t score
  • Players scored or picked up big yardage, but the play was nullified by a penalty
  • Other random shit found a way to tilt fantasy football managers of all shapes and sizes

First, let’s break down someone who could have score an additional *two* TDs in Week 9 if it wasn’t for a personal case of the butterfingers as well as an especially painful underthrow for fantasy managers and anytime TD bettors alike.

Ja’Marr Chase *nearly* had a massive Sunday night at the office

The Bengals’ third-year talent is one of those players who are hard to get too upset with in fantasy football land because everyone is aware of just how many times the man has gone absolutely ballistic and single-handedly won a matchup.

That said: Chase probably should have had not one but two TDs in his box score on Sunday night, as he first dropped a perfectly thrown two-yard score before later being underthrown on what sure looked like was going to be an electric 57-yard connection for six points.

The second sheesh resulted in Chase suffering a rough fall that injured his back. The good news is that he’s confirmed alive, but his fantasy managers likely aren’t feeling too great after coming so close to a massive primetime performance.

That’s right: Tank Dell should have had an even BIGGER day

Air yards measure the distance that any given pass travels (wait for it) in the air. Subtracting yards after the catch from every player’s receiving yards total before taking the difference with total air yards helps us pinpoint exactly how much opportunity through the air a player failed to come down with for one reason or another.

Sometimes unrealized air yards are more akin to “prayer yards” because the pass wasn’t overly catchable in the first place, so grinding the ole film helps with identifying those sorts of situations.

Sep 17, 2023; Houston, Texas, USA; Houston Texans wide receiver Tank Dell (3) shouts after scoring a touchdown during the fourth quarter against the Indianapolis Colts at NRG Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

11 players racked up at least 75 unrealized air yards in Week 9 specifically:

  • Texans WR Tank Dell (131)
  • Giants WR Jalin Hyatt (131)
  • Titans WR DeAndre Hopkins (128)
  • Patriots WR Jalen Reagor (109)
  • Jets WR Garrett Wilson (102)
  • Cowboys WR CeeDee Lamb (94)
  • Rams WR Cooper Kupp (87)
  • Falcons WR Van Jefferson (86)
  • Falcons WR KhaDarel Hodge (85)
  • Bengals WR Ja’Marr Chase (85)
  • Ravens WR Rashod Bateman (76)

While part of Dell’s total comes from a pair of inexcusable drops, the big-time misfire was actually on C.J. Stroud, who badly missed his pint-sized teammate on what truly could have been a 90-yard house call. Still an all-around excellent day for both rookies, but that said: Sheesh.

Please get better soon, Matthew Stafford

Our previous section helped quantify the most missed opportunities through the air, but there were an additional handful of targets that I can’t help call out because it sure seemed like the following players could have put six points on the board with a bit more accurate pass.

There were another nine subjective instances of pass-catchers not receiving catchable passes on what sure seemed to have the potential to be TDs, although differing levels of openness, difficulty of throw and pressure hardly made the these near misses of the layup variety:

  • Buccaneers WR Trey Palmer (potential 74-yard TD overthrown)
  • Bengals WR Ja'Marr Chase (57)
  • Rams WR Cooper Kupp (44)
  • Commanders WR Terry McLaurin (41)
  • Patriots WR Tyquan Thornton (39 — would have needed some YAC but looked like it was there on the all-22)
  • Packers WR Christian Watson (38)
  • Falcons WR KhaDarel Hodge (36 — AMAZING effort, though)
  • Dolphins WR Cedrick Wilson (31 — I really hope this was simply miscommunication because otherwise we’re talking about a BRUTAL late-game miss)
  • Commanders TE John Bates (21)
  • Titans RB Tyjae Spears (19, although Spears got twisted up on the route as well. Tough call.)
  • Seahawks WR D.K. Metcalf (14)
  • Steelers WR Allen Robinson (11)
  • Panthers WR Adam Thielen (10)
  • Vikings TE T.J. Hockenson (4)

Would have been a lot cooler if George Pickens got both feet down here

You, yes you, gained more receiving yards than Steelers WR George Pickens (-1) last week. This naturally produced plenty of memes, and also seemingly caused Pickens to caption a post game Instagram post with “free me.” Got to love the NFL in the year 2023.

One problem: Pickens doesn’t have anyone to blame other than the man in the mirror for not adding a 12-yard TD to his stat line. Perfect throw, good catch — but sheesh oh sheesh get that second foot down!

Friendly reminder that Pickens has already totaled 100-plus yards in three separate games this season despite not exactly dealing with the world’s greatest QB under center or mastermind calling the plays; fantasy managers and Steelers fans alike should be very excited about the future of the team’s second-year talent.

That said: SHEESH, that was a tough miss last Thursday night.

Last Thursday we spelled redemption D-i-o-n-t-a-e

There were six fairly clear-cut dropped TDs in Week 9, which sucks because, you know, football is pretty cool when players make great catches and score points:

Also note that Steelers WR Diontae Johnson dropped a three-yard TD … only for the play not to count due to a defensive holding penalty — and then Johnson pulled out the uno reverse card meme by catching his first score in 655 days. The 27-year-old veteran was relieved to say the least.

Tyreek Hill

Oct 15, 2023; Miami Gardens, Florida, USA; Miami Dolphins wide receiver Tyreek Hill (10) catches the football for a touchdown against Carolina Panthers during the second quarter at Hard Rock Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Sam Navarro-USA TODAY Sports

Additionally, Tyreek Hill dropped a pair of downfield dimes that combined for 41 air yards. Cheetah didn’t look like he had the sort of space after the catch necessarily to turn either potential reception into a score, but then again never say never with his speed.

There were also a handful of moments that weren’t officially drops, but it certainly would have been a lot cooler had these pass-catchers managed to come down with their catchable contested-catch opportunity.

  • Browns WR Marquise Goodwin (potential 65 yard TD — defender made uncalled contact just before the speedster had a chance to come down with Deshaun Watson’s well-thrown ball)
  • Chiefs WR Marquez Valdes-Scantling (55)
  • Bengals WR Tyler Boyd (22)
  • Vikings WR Trishton Jackson (14)
  • Bears WR D.J. Moore (13)

“Jalen Hurts can’t keep getting away with this!” – D’Andre Swift

Getting all the way to the one-yard line but failing to score a TD is objectively a sheeshy feeling — particularly when fantasy managers are forced to watch someone else vulture away the score that was SO CLOSE to belonging to them.

This phenomenon has happened to Eagles RB D’Andre Swift on not one, not two, not three, but four separate occasions this season. Unsurprisingly, each of those respective drives ended in Jalen Hurts “brotherly shove” conversions instead:

It’s all fun and games until the Eagles or some other team decide to not pay Swift more money on his next contract because of his relative lack of TDs. Just kidding. Kind of.

Here’s the full list of Week 9’s players who managed to get the football within three feet of the goal line, but not quite across the plane, and ultimately didn’t score later on the same drive:

  • Cowboys QB Dak Prescott
  • Colts QB Gardner Minshew
  • Vikings QB Jaren Hall
  • Saints RB Alvin Kamara
  • Eagles RB D’Andre Swift
  • Buccaneers RB Rachaad White
  • Steelers RB Jaylen Warren
  • Steelers RB Najee Harris
  • Buccaneers RB Mike Evans
  • Vikings WR K.J. Osborn
  • Falcons TE Jonnu Smith x2 (same drive)
  • Raiders TE Michael Mayer
  • Cowboys TE Luke Schoonmaker

Also note that both White and Evans were just short on passes, meaning Baker Mayfield was just a few feet away from adding a pair of TDs to his box score. The near-miss to Evans was particularly sheeshy considering it looked like the longtime stud WR may have not even had full possession until rolling into the end zone.

The Falcons defense also deserves a shout out for strip-sacking Joshua Dobbs and returning the fumble all the way to the Vikings’ one-yard line … only for head coach Arthur Smith to feature TE Jonnu Smith and RB Tyler Allgeier on three separate unsuccessful tries before settling for a field goal. You might think this is a bad strategy around the goal line, but actually that’s toxic groupthink per sources.

“Congrats” to Latavius Murray, A.J. Dillon, Kamara and Swift for now racking up an NFL-high four instances of this sheeshy event in 2023. Austin Ekeler, Brian Robinson, Joe Mixon and White are the only players with three such sheeshes.

Should defensive pass interference penalties count for fantasy points?

It’s a question that has divided our country for centuries.

Of course, defensive pass interferences can be finicky and don’t always occur in instances when the targeted receiver would FOR SURE make the catch.

That said: They are very annoying for fantasy managers to deal with when the result could’ve, should’ve, would’ve been a chunk gain — and maybe even a TD.

The top five players in most yards gained courtesy of drawing DPI flags were as follows:

  • Buccaneers WR Trey Palmer (37 yards)
  • Cowboys WR Michael Gallup (36)
  • Eagles WR A.J. Brown (17)
  • Bills WR Trent Sherfield (17)
  • Jets TE Tyler Conklin (14)

Don’t yell too much at Mac Jones

While the box score doesn’t account for who to blame on any particular interception, a rocket scientist isn’t always required to figure out that sometimes the QB wasn’t overly at fault.

Two specific interceptions occurred in Week 9 that shouldn’t be blamed on the men who threw them:

  • Patriots QB Mac Jones' game-sealing interception was actually a charged drop to WR JuJu Smith-Schuster, as the well-thrown tight-window pass bounced off the TikToker’s hands and into the lap of Commanders CB Jartavius Martin.
  • Giants QB Tommy DeVito threw one interception that was absolutely his fault in Week 9, but his second bounced off the chest of WR Darius Slayton and into the lap of Raiders CB Nate Hobbs. PFF officially ruled the mishap a drop on Slayton.

Is Tony Pollard allergic to the end zone??

The Cowboys' featured RB has gone an NFL-high 136 consecutive touches without a TD this season. None were more brutal for fantasy managers to stomach than a short rush attempt last Sunday that was initially ruled a two-yard TD before being nullified due to an illegal formation penalty.

Here’s the thing: QB Dak Prescott appeared to confirm with the official that the Cowboys’ sixth offensive lineman had declared himself as an eligible receiver.

Perhaps Cowboys OT Chuma Edoga never told the official himself, but smarter ball knowers than myself like The Athletic’s Nate Tice and former NFL o-lineman Geoff Schwartz are willing to give him the benefit of the doubt considering this is “like the number one thing the 6th OL is told to do.”

Say it with me Pollard fantasy managers and anytime TD bettors: Sheesh.

I think I speak for all of us when I say for one last time: Sheesh.

We’re on to Week 10.

Sheesh Report